Quilty!
What, what?
Are you Quilty?
No, I'm Spartacus.
Have you come to free the slaves or something?
Are you Quilty?
Yeah. I'm Quilty, yeah, sure.
Say, what you...
...what you putting your gloves on for? Your hands cold or something?
Shall we have a little chat before we start?
Before we start?
All righty.
No, no, listen...
...let's have a game, a little lovely game of Roman Ping-Pong...
...like two civilized senators.
Roman ping...
You're supposed to say, "Roman pong."
Okay, you serve. I don't mind.
I just don't mind.
Come on.
Bet you didn't know I had that.
Roman Ping-Pong.
Kind of tricky serve to handle, Captain?
Kind of tricky. One of the champs taught me that.
My motto is: "Be prepared."
Say, you Jack Brewster? Are you?
You know who I am.
What's that? That's 3... 3-love.
I'm really winning, you want to get a rally going there.
You know, I'm not accusing you, Captain, but it's sort of absurd...
...the way people invade this house, without even knocking.
4-1...
...change service. I'll take the serve again, if you don't mind.
I sort of like to have it up this end, you know.
They use the telephone.
What's that? That must be...
I'm really winning here. I'm really winning.
I hope I don't get overcome with power.
That's about... 6-1 maybe...
...let's say 6-1, no 6-2, I'll give you another point...
...6-2, but I'm still winning.
You really don't remember me, do you?
Did you ever notice how the champs, different champs, use their bats?
You know, some of them hold them like this, and everything.
Do you recall a girl...
...called Dolores Haze?
I remember one guy didn't have a hand. He had a bat instead of a hand.
He was really sort of wacky.
Lolita!
Lolita...
Yeah, yeah, I remember that name all right.
Maybe she made some telephone calls, who cares?
Hey, you're a sort of bad loser, Captain.
I never found a guy who'd sort of pull a gun on me when he lost a game.
Didn't anyone ever tell you...
...it's not really who wins, it's how you play, like the champs.
Listen, I don't think I want to play anymore. I wanna get a drink.
I'm just dying for a drink.
I'm just dying to have a drinkie.
You're dying anyway, Quilty.
All my friends always put their smokies out in the drink.
It's so unsanitary.
Quilty, I want you to concentrate.
You're going to die.
Try to understand what is happening to you.
You are either Australian...
...or a German refugee.
This is a gentile's house.
You'd better run along.
Think of what you did, Quilty, and think of what is happening to you now.
That's a darling little gun you got there.
That's a darling little thing.
How much a guy like you want for a darling little gun like that?
Read this.
What's this, the deeds of the ranch?
It's your death sentence.
Read it.
I can't read, mister.
I never did none of that there book learning, you know.
Read it, Quilty.
"Because you took advantage of a sinner
"Because you took advantage...
"Because you took...
"Because you took advantage of my disadvantage"
That's a dang...
...blasted, darn good poem you done there.
"When I stood Adam-naked..."
Adam-naked!
You should be ashamed of yourself, Captain.
"Before a federal law and all its stinging stars."
Tarnation! You old horn toad.
That's mighty pretty. That's a pretty poem.
"Because you took advantage..."
lt's getting a bit repetitious, isn't it?
"Because..." Here's another one: "Because you cheated me
"Because you took her at an age...
- "...when young lads..." - That's enough!
Say, what you took it away for, mister? That was getting kind of smutty there.
Do you have any last words before you die, Quilty?
Listen, Mac...
...you're drunk...
...and I'm a sick man.
This pistol-packing farce is becoming a sort of nuisance.
Why don't you and I sort of settle this like two civilized people...
...getting together and settling something? Instead of... All right, put 'em up.
Do you want to die standing up or sitting down?
I want to die like a champion.
Right in the boxing glove.
You ought to be more careful with that thing.
Listen, Captain, why don't you stop trifling with life and death?
I'm a playwright, you know. I know all about this sort of tragedy and...
...and comedy and fantasy and everything.
I've got 52 successful...
...scenarios to my credit...
...added to which, my father's a policeman. You look like a music lover to me.
Why don't you let...
Why don't you let me play you a little thing I...
...I wrote last week.
Nice sort of opening there.
We could dream up some lyrics maybe. You and I dream them up together...
...you know, share the profits.
Do you think that'll make the hit parade?
"The moon was blue, and so are you, and I tonight...
"...she's mine, yours...
"...she's yours tonight...
"...and the moon is..."
Gee, that hurt me, that... You really hurt me.
If you're trying to scare me, you did a pretty swell job already.
My leg'll be black and blue tomorrow.
You know this house is roomy and cool. You see how cool it is.
I intend on moving to England or Florence forever.
You can move in.
I've got some nice friends who could come and keep you company.
You could use them as pieces of furniture.
There's one guy who looks just like a bookcase.
I could fix for you to attend executions. How would you like that?
Just you there, and nobody else, just watching, watch.
Do you like watching, Captain?
Because not many people know...
...that the chair is painted yellow.
You'd be the only guy in the know.
Imagine! Your friends, you could tell them...
That hurt!
Having recently arrived in America...
...where so many Europeans have found a haven before...
...I decided to spend a peaceful summer...
...in the attractive resort town of Ramsdale, New Hampshire.
Some English translations I had made of French poetry...
...had enjoyed some success and I had been appointed...
...to a lectureship at Beardsley College, Ohio, in the fall.
Friends had given me several addresses in Ramsdale...
...where lodgings were available for the summer.
Mr. Hofsteader said that you're going to be staying all summer.
Well, that was only a tentative plan.
Monsieur, if what you're needing is peace and quiet...
...I can assure you, you couldn't get more peace anywhere.
Yes, it is very...
It's very peaceful.
Now, this would be your room.
It's what you might call a studio, well, you know, a semi-studio affair.
It's very male...
...and quiet.
We're really very fortunate here in West Ramsdale.
Culturally, we're a very advanced group...
...with lots of good Anglo-Dutch and Anglo-Scotch stock...
...and we're very progressive intellectually.
That is immediately apparent.
I do hope you'll want to address our club.
There's a nice view from this window...
...of the front lawn.
A good place for you to do your writing...
- Shelves for your books. - That's very nice, yes.
Lam chairman of the Great Books Committee.
As a matter of fact, you know...
...one of the speakers that I had last season...
...was Clare Quilty.
Clare Quilty?
The writer, TV?
- TV plays? - No, I wouldn't...
He's a very stimulating type of man.
He gave us a talk on Dr. Schweitzer and Dr. Zhivago.
Schweitzer and Zhivago. Very nice.
Oh, no, the bathroom's back here, right next door.
Well, we still have that good, old-fashioned quaint plumbing...
...should appeal to a European.
Excuse the soiled sock.
I see that you're interested in art. In that case...
In that case you really must see...
...the collection of reproductions I have in my bedroom.
Voila!
Oh, yes, that's...
A Dufy.
That's very nice.
And there's my little van Gogh. Monet.
Is Madame Humbert...
There's no madame. We are divorced.
Happily divorced.
- When did all this happen? - About a year ago in Paris.
Paris...
...France...
...Madame.
You know, monsieur, I believe that it's only in the romance languages...
...that one is able to really relate in a mature fashion.
In fact, I remember when the late Mr. Haze and I...
Oh, the late Mr. Haze?
Yes, he's passed on.
But when we were on our honeymoon abroad...
...I knew that I'd never felt married until I heard myself addressed as "Sefiora."
You were in Spain?
No, Mexico.
Mexico.
There were so many places we had planned to travel...
...but he was occupied with his work here.
He was in insurance...
...left me well-provided for.
He was a lovely human being...
...a man of complete integrity.
I know you would have liked to talk to the late Mr. Haze, and he to you.
Yes, I'm sure I would have.
Those are his ashes.
How late was the...
...late Mr. Haze?
Seven years.
It's very difficult for a woman...
...an attractive woman alone, you know.
Yes, I'm sure it is.
Downstairs. Excuse me.
I've told Lolita ten times to keep that in her room.
- You have a maid living in the house? - Why, monsieur, Ramsdale is not Paris.
No, the colored girl comes three times a week.
We think we're lucky to get her, but she does do shirts very well.
Back here we have the kitchen. That's where we have our informal meals.
- Perhaps... - My pastries win prizes around here.
If you'll give me your number...
...that would give me a chance to think it over.
1776.
1776...
...the Declaration of Independence.
Yes, so easy to remember.
You must see the garden before you go, you must...
My flowers win prizes around here. They're the talk of the neighborhood.
Voila!
My yellow roses, my...
My daughter.
Darling, turn that down please.
I can offer you a comfortable home...
...a sunny garden...
...a congenial atmosphere...
...my cherry pies.
Well...
...we haven't discussed how much...
Well, something nominal, let's say...
- ...$200 a month... - Yes, that's very...
...including meals and late snacks...
...etcetera.
That's very reasonable. Well, it's very nice.
You couldn't find better value in West Ramsdale.
No, when will it be convenient for you to have me move in?
Right now. It'd be silly for you to go to a hotel, monsieur.
Both my bags are in the taxi. You're a very persuasive saleswoman.
Thank you.
What was the decisive factor? My garden?
I think it was your cherry pies.
Now, this is the one that goes back and forth?
Yes, that can leap over the other pieces.
It goes round corners.
You're going to take my queen?
That was my intention, certainly.
Bed-y-bye, dear.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, Lo.
Well, that wasn't very clever of you.
Oh, dear.
It had to happen sometime.
...31, 32, 33, 34...
See how relaxed you're getting?
There's Mother. Let's go say hello.
Hi, Mom.
Hello, darling.
Hello, Kenny.
Good evening, Mrs. Haze.
Kenny, this is Mr. Humbert.
- Kenny Overton. - How do you do?
Are you having a good time?
Well, we'll see you then.
Bye-bye.
Aren't they adorable together?
I think tonight's the night.
Well, Lolita told me that she's positive...
...Kenny's going to ask her to go steady tonight.
Hello, Charlotte.
Jean, John, hello.
- Hi, Humbert. - Hi, Hum.
Sorry we're late. I got held up in court.
The prosecution brought in some new witnesses.
I had to stay with my client and prepare for tomorrow.
John, can't you stop being a lawyer for just one night in the week?
Mind if I dance with your girl? We could sort of swop partners.
You're most welcome.
Well, this is what you get because you won't dance.
Hi, Humbert.
- I'm sorry that I don't dance. - That's all right.
I don't like dancing either very much. Did you know that?
It's a funny thing, Humbert, but John and I, we first met at a dance...
...and I was sort of sitting it out, so he just sat it out, too.
That's very romantic.
Hi, Dad.
Mona, baby.
Darling!
- How are you doing? - Fine.
Humbert...
...don't tell Charlotte that I told you this, will you...
...but did you know that you've had the most remarkable effect on her?
- Did you know that? - I have?
I know it's none of my business, but...
...she's begun to radiate a certain glow.
I hardly think that has anything to do with me.
Humbert, when you get to know me better, you'll find I'm extremely broad-minded.
In fact, John and I, we're both broad-minded.
Hey, you two, cut that out.
I'm so thirsty. Let's all have a little punch now.
That's a good idea.
- There aren't any clean cups anymore. - L'll get some from another table.
Thank you, Humbert.
Jean, your Mona looks simply enchanting in that cloud of pink.
She's certainly becoming a mature young lady, isn't she?
Yes. Where does the time go?
Do you know this summer she'll be a junior camp counselor?
No, that's simply wonderful.
Are you sending her to that Camp Climax again?
Of course.
We've done it every summer, since she was ten.
It gives Jean and me a chance to catch up on our homework.
Excuse me, kids.
My feet are killing me!
Who is that?
Who?
There.
It's Clare Quilty. You know, the TV writer?
I adored his play, The Lady Who Loved Lightning.
It was marvelous.
Excuse me, kids, I'm going to go over and say hello.
Hello!
Hello, hello again!
Wow!
It's certainly been a long time.
It certainly has... yes.
Do you know I've been the local authority on you ever since?
Is that so? That's very sweet of you, thank you.
L'll never forget that intellectually stimulating talk...
...that you gave to our club.
A magnificent club, really magnificent. Tell me one thing, are you a columnist?
No, don't you remember?
That afternoon changed my whole life.
Well, how about that.
You remember, you...
What, what?
Did I do that? Did I?
And afterwards, you know, I showed you my garden...
...and I drove you to the airport.
Yes!
Really great fun.
Listen, didn't you have a daughter...
Didn't you have a daughter with a lovely name?
Yeah, what was it now? A lovely, lyrical, lilting name like...
Lolita.
Lolita, that's right. Lolita, diminutive of Dolores...
...the tears and the roses.
Wednesday she's going to have a cavity filled by your Uncle Ivor.
Yeah!
There you are. Where have you been? I've been looking for you.
I strolled around for a while and then I came up here.
You poor man, I'll bet you're bored to tears.
On the contrary I find it most interesting.
Charlotte. Hello.
Humbert, you found a place to sit down.
Oh, gosh.
Charlotte, Mona's having a little get-together...
...later on at our house, and she and Freddy Beale...
...and some others, are having a jam session, or whatever it's called.
Anyhow, she wants to know if Lolita and Kenny can come.
I don't see why not, as long as you have her home by midnight.
But Charlotte, tonight's a special occasion.
Why don't you have Lolita stay over with Mona?
John can bring her back in the morning, can't you?
Yes, sure.
That would be too much trouble.
- Of course not. - No, it's the easiest thing in the world.
It's settled.
I guess we'd better say goodnight to you two kids.
John and I have to get home in time to supervise things.
You know, what she means is keep the lights on.
- I think we ought to come over and help. - No, we wouldn't think of it, Humbert. No.
- It's no trouble at all, is it, Charlotte? - Well, Jean, perhaps we should...
- We're not doing anything else. - No, no.
No, they don't like too many grownups around.
That's right.
- Goodnight, Charlotte. - Goodnight, Jean.
Goodnight. See you.
Goodnight, Humbert.
Now, you don't want that. It'll spoil your appetite.
We can go home now and have a cozy little dinner for two.
- I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long? - No, not at all.
I thought I'd change into something cozier.
Charming.
- You don't think it's... a little too risqué? - No, not at all.
Charlotte, this may not be the right time or place...
Not another word until we've finished our pink champagne.
In a sense, this is none of my business, but I've come to feel almost...
...like a member of the family where Lolita is concerned.
Yes, I know, and I appreciate it.
I've come to feel as if you're a member of the family too.
I wonder if you aren't being too liberal with her?
Liberal?
Oh, you dear man...
...you dear, sweet, naive man.
No, I don't think you realize that she's beginning to grow up.
Of course she's beginning to grow up...
...and it's only natural and healthy...
...that she should take an interest in those fascinating creatures...
...known as: "the opposite sex."
Cheerio. But should she be allowed to stay out all night?
She's not staying out.
She's at Jean and John's.
Yes, but something about them that makes me wonder...
...whether they would provide the right kind of supervision.
Hum, you're so charmingly Old World...
...but then, that's what I adore about you.
I have a proposal.
What say you I teach you some of the new steps?
No, Charlotte. I don't even know the old ones.
And you do this so very well I'd much rather sit down and watch you.
You're very good.
Come on, Humbert.
Humbert Humbert, what a thrillingly different name.
Do you pronounce the surname differently, you know, in a slightly lower tone?
Let me see now, Humbert.
What was that, the first or the second?
Seriously, I'm an awkward tripper and I have no sense of rhythm.
I refuse to believe that about you.
Rhythm is so basic...
...and it just pours out of you, you simply vibrate rhythm.
- L'll clap my hands and you go on dancing. - Now, come on, Humbert...
...and that was not your surname.
Now, put your hands here...
...tighter.
All right, ready, go.
One, two, cha-cha-cha.
Very good.
A little more joie de vivre.
You know, when you smile like that you remind me of someone...
A college boy I had a date with.
I went dancing with him, a young blue-blooded Bostonian.
My very first glamour date.
And, you know...
...in certain lights you remind me of Harold.
You mean, the late Mr...
Yes.
You're really very different, of course.
Yes, I imagine I am.
But, you know, I adored Harold.
I really did. I swore at the time I would never marry again.
I don't think I will, but...
...it wouldn't be fair to his memory, do you think?
No, one doesn't often find such loyalty these days.
But sometimes, Hum, I wonder...
...shouldn't life be for the living?
What think you?
You see, I'm a strongly emotional woman...
...very strongly emotional.
- Don't be afraid of hurting me. - No, I'm not, really.
Take me in your arms.
I can't live in the past. Not anymore, Hum, not anymore.
Hi!
Lolita!
Darling...
Cha-cha-cha.
Did you come back for something?
No, Mona's party turned out to be sort of a drag.
I thought I'd come back and see what you were doing.
We had a wonderful evening. Your mother created a magnificent spread.
Did you have something to eat?
They served some kind of salty fish eggs, but I didn't like 'em.
L'll make you a sandwich. There's lots of food left over.
That's great. I'm starving.
I don't think she should be stuffing herself when she should go to sleep.
But, Morn...
...I'm hungry and I've got to have something to eat.
All right...
...but you take it upstairs and after you've eaten it...
...you go right to sleep.
Did you have a good time dancing with Clare Quilty?
Well, of course...
...he's a very erudite gentleman.
Yeah, I know. All the girls are crazy about him, too.
That's neither here nor there.
Since when?
“EYE WE GTE, EXCUSE IRE...
...loaded with mayonnaise, just the way you like it.
Thank you.
Darling, take it upstairs.
I don't want to go to bed. lt's too early.
We all think that Lo should go to bed.
I don't have to. This is a free country.
Which means there will be no allowance this week.
Which means I think you stink this week.
To bed this instant!
Go to bed.
I heard that.
Goodnight, Lo.
That miserable little brat.
She is becoming impossible, simply impossible.
The idea of her sneaking back here and spying on us.
I don't think she was spying on us.
Really? What would you call it?
I'm sure she intended no harm.
Like hell she didn't! She's always been a spiteful, little pest.
Since the age of one, you know, she kept throwing her toys...
...out of her crib so that I would have to keep stooping over to pick them up.
She has always had some kind of gripe against me.
Now she sees herself as some kind of a starlet.
Well, I see her as a sturdy, healthy but decidedly homely child.
I mean, is it my fault if I feel young?
Why should my child resent it? You don't resent it, do you?
Do you think I'm just a foolish, romantic American girl?
...I"IO.
Why don't I throw on a wrap and we can go out for a little ride in the car?
Well, it's a little late, Charlotte.
Well, let's at least finish our champagne, shall we?
I've had a very exhausting evening. I think I'd best go to bed.
But it's not even 1:00.
My neuralgia's about to strike with heartburn, an old ally, and so...
Goodnight, and thank you for a charming evening.
You're very welcome.
What drives me insane is the twofold nature of this nymphet...
...of every nymphet, perhaps.
This mixture in my Lolita of tender, dreamy childishness...
wand a kind of eerie vulgarity.
I know it is madness to keep this journal, but it gives me a strange thrill to do so...
...and only a loving wife could decipher my microscopic script.
In this house, we do not eat with the table on the elbows...
...elbows on the tables.
Must you pamper your pimples?
Do you mind if I eat? I've got to meet Mona.
This morning you have to meet Mona! Last night...
First you wash every dish, then you go upstairs...
...and make your bed and clean up your room.
I am not picking up after you today, miss, or any day!
Hello. Excuse me.
- Is it Kenny? - No. Just a minute.
Jean, just a second.
Take this tray up to Professor Humbert and do not disturb him.
Yes, ma'am!
Yes, ma'am.
Jean?
I'm very glad you called.
Yes.
Mona?
What time?
Well, I'm very glad you called me, Jean.
Well, there's something very important we both have to talk about.
That's a good idea. Well, I'd rather not...
Who is it?
Lolita.
Come in.
Here's your breakfast.
Thank you very much. Good morning!
Good morning.
Don't tell Mom, but I ate all your bacon.
You have a very long face today.
Oh, yeah?
What were you writing?
I was writing a poem.
What's it about?
It's about people.
That's a novel subject.
You know, it's funny, it sort of looked like a diary when I came in.
I always write my poems in a diary. It's one of my little idiosyncrasies.
Afraid somebody's going to steal your ideas and sell them to Hollywood?
Perhaps. Would you like me to read you some poetry?
Sure, why not?
This is my favorite poet.
- "It was..." - Who's the poet?
The divine Edgar.
Who's the divine Edgar. Edgar who?
Edgar Allan Poe, of course.
"It was night in the lonesome October
"Of my most immemorial year"
Notice how he emphasizes this word.
"It was hard by the dim lake of Auber
"In the misty mid region of Weir"
You see, he takes a word like "dim" in one line and twists it?
And it comes back as "mid region of Weir."
"Mid region," and twists it to "dim."
That's pretty good, pretty clever.
"Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed her
"And conquered her scruples and gloom
"And we passed to the end of the vista
"But were stopped by the door of a tomb
"And I said, 'What is written, sweet sister?'
"She replied, 'Ulalume, Ulalume"
Well, I think it's a little corny, to tell you the truth.
What do you object to?
Well, the "vista-sister," that's like, "Lolita-sweeter."
That's very true. That's a very acute observation.
If you were in my class I would give you an A plus.
Tell me, was Mona Farlow annoyed when you left her party last night?
Mona? Annoyed?
Well, I thought she might be looking forward to...
Don't worry about Mona.
- Let me tell you something about Mona. - Do, please.
No, I'd better not tell you. You'll blab.
I will never give away any of your secrets.
- You wouldn't? - I promise.
Well, for that you get a little reward.
Thank you very much.
- Here! - Oh, no, please. No.
Lolita. No.
Put your head back.
Open your mouth.
You can have one little bite.
Lolita?
Lolita!
What?
Come down here.
What do you want?
Firstly...
...when I call you I want you to come right down...
...and not make me holler for you from room to room.
Yes, ma'am.
Secondly, I want you to go right into your room and put on a dress.
I'm going to the Farlows and I want you to come.
But I'm supposed to meet Mona at the lake.
And lastly, I forbid you to disturb Professor Humbert again.
He is a writer and he is not to be disturbed.
Sieg hail.
I have a glorious surprise for us.
One of your dramatic sweets?
Guess again.
The Farlows have been arrested.
Really, Hum. Thank you, Louise.
I'm no good at guessing.
Mona Farlow is leaving for summer camp tomorrow.
Lolita is going with her.
You were absolutely right when you warned me...
...that I was getting too liberal with her about boys.
What's more, Mona disappeared from that party last night...
...and she did not come home till 4:00 a.m.
So Jean and I decided that isolation from boys...
...would be the best thing for both of the girls this crucial summer.
Do you think that the camp is the answer?
Frankly, Hum, I do. lt's all arranged.
The Farlows and I phoned the camp long-distance...
...and I did all the shopping this...
Is something the matter with your face?
Toothache.
You poor man.
If it still pains you tomorrow, I'll call and arrange an appointment.
How far away is this camp?
Two hundred miles. It was a stroke of genius on Mama's part.
Ain't I clever?
Shall we take our coffee out to the piazza...
...or do you want to go upstairs and nurse that tooth?
Nurse the tooth.
L'll be right back.
I guess I won't be seeing you again.
I shall be moving on.
I must prepare for my work at Beardsley College in the fall.
Then I guess this is goodbye.
Yes.
Don't forget me.
Are you upstairs, Mr. Humbert?
Mr. Humbert!
Mrs. Haze asked me to give you this.
Thank you very much.
"This is a confession.
"I love you.
"Last Sunday in church, my dear one, when I asked the Lord...
"...what to do about it, I was told to act as I am acting now.
"You see, there is no alternative.
"I have loved you from the minute I saw you.
"lam a passionate and lonely woman...
"...and you are the love of my life.
"Now you know.
"So you will please, at once, pack and leave.
"This is a landlady's order. Lam dismissing a lodger.
"lam kicking you out. Go, scram, départez!
"I shall be back by dinnertime. I do not wish to find you in the house.
"You see, chérie...
"...if you decided to stay, if I found you at home...
"...which I know I won't...
"...and that's why I'm able to go on like this...
"...the fact of your remaining would only mean one thing: that you...
"...that you want me as much as I do you...
"...as a lifelong mate...
"...and you are ready to link up your life with mine forever and ever...
"...and be a father to my little girl.
"Goodbye, dear one.
"Pray for me...
"...if you ever pray."
Hum?
Hum, baby.
The wedding was a quiet affair...
...and when called upon to enjoy my promotion from lodger to lover...
...did I experience only bitterness and distaste?
No, Mr. Humbert confesses to a certain titillation of his vanity...
...to some faint tenderness, even to a pattern of remorse...
...daintily running along the steel of his conspiratorial dagger.
Dear, the door's locked.
Sweetheart, I don't want any secrets between us.
It makes me feel insecure.
Can't this wait till I come out of here?
I suppose...
Hum, what do you do in there so long?
I want to talk to you.
I haven't been here long. In point of fact, I only just came in.
Were there a lot of women in your life before me?
I've told you about them already.
Well, you didn't tell me...
...about all of them.
Charlotte, if it would make you any happier...
...I will sit right down and make out a complete list...
...of every woman I have ever known.
Would that satisfy you?
I'm lonesome.
I think it's healthy for me to be jealous.
It means that I love you.
You know how happy I can make you.
But...
...Charlotte, I haven't even had my morning cup of coffee yet.
You want me to make you some?
Please do that, like a good little wife.
All right.
Darling...
I don't care about any other woman.
I know that our love is sacred, the others were profane.
Yes, "sacred," that's right, that's what it is.
Hum, baby, you know, I love the way you smell.
You do arouse the pagan in me.
Hum, you just touch me and I go as limp as a noodle.
It scares me.
Yes, I know the feeling.
Do you believe in God?
The question is: Does God believe in me?
I wouldn't care if your maternal grandfather turned out to be a Turk.
But if I ever found out...
...that you didn't believe in God...
...I think I would commit suicide.
A sun!
It belonged to Mr. Haze.
You should be careful with those things.
It's not loaded.
That's what they all say, "I didn't know it was loaded."
This is a sacred weapon.
It's a tragic treasure.
Mr. Haze purchased it when he found out he was ill.
He wanted to spare me the sight of his suffering.
Happily or unhappily, he was hospitalized before he could use it.
Will you put it down, please?
Thank you.
That's better now, isn't it?
Oh, you man!
Darling...
...you know...
...I have a most ambitious fantasy.
What's yours?
I would love to get hold of a real French servant girl...
...you know, like the German girls the Farlows had...
...and have her come and live in the house.
No room.
We could put her in Lo's room.
I've been meaning to make a guest room out of that hole, anyway.
And where, pray...
...will you put your daughter...
...when you get your guest or your maid?
You know, I've decided to send her straight from camp...
...to a good boarding school...
...with strict religious training...
...and then on to college.
Darling, it's going to be you and me alone...
...forever now.
Darling, you've gone away.
Just a minute, darling, I'm following a train of thought.
It doesn't matter.
C'est Ia vie.
Am I on that train?
Yes.
I should hope so.
Let's let it ring.
Hello?
Yes, this is Mrs. Charlotte Humbert.
L'll accept the charges. lt's Lolita. She's calling long-distance.
Hello?
Hello, dear.
We're fine.
Yes.
We spent the honeymoon on Hourglass Lake.
Well, with a few other young marrieds.
Is anything wrong?
You lost your new sweater?
In the woods?
Yes, he's here.
What do you want to thank him for?
Candy!
Just a minute.
Hum, I really wish that you would not send her candy without consulting me.
I'm talking to you!
Even in the most harmonious households such as ours...
...not all the decisions are taken by the female...
...especially when the male partner has fulfilled his obligations...
...beyond the line of duty.
When you wanted me to spend my afternoons sunbathing by the lake...
...I was glad to become the bronzed glamour boy for you...
...instead of remaining the scholar.
Even then I scoot along after you like an obliging little lapdog.
Yes, I'm happy. I'm delighted to be bossed by you, but...
...every game has its rules.
Lolita?
No man can bring about the perfect murder.
Chance, however, can do it.
Just minutes ago she had said it wasn't loaded.
What if I had playfully pulled the trigger then?
"She said it wasn't loaded. It belonged to the late Mr. Haze.
"She was having her morning tub.
"We had just finished talking about our plans for the future.
"I decided to play a practical joke and pretend! was a burglar.
"We were newlyweds and still did things like that to each other.
"As soon as it happened I called an ambulance, but it was too late."
Simple, isn't it?
The perfect murder!
She splashed in the tub, a trustful, clumsy seal...
...and all the logic of passion screamed in my ear:
"Now is the time."
But, what do you know, folks...
...I just couldn't make myself do it.
The scream grew more and more remote...
...and I realized the melancholy fact that neither tomorrow nor Friday...
...nor any other day or night...
...could I make myself put her to death.
Charlotte?
Darling?
That's my diary. We don't read other people's diaries, do we?
Charlotte, that's my diary. Give it to me, please.
Please. No, no.
"The Haze woman..."
"...the cow..."
"...the obnoxious mama..."
"...the brainless baba..."
The stupid Haze is no longer your dupe.
Give me that, please.
You leave that alone or I'll scream out the window!
Let's discuss this. Let's sit and discuss it quietly...
- ...like civilized people. - You're a monster!
You're a disgusting, despicable, loathsome, criminal fraud!
Don't do that.
- Can we discuss... - Get out of my way!
- No. I want to talk...
Go on, get out of my way.
I'm leaving here today.
You can have all of it.
But you are never going to see that miserable brat again!
Charlotte, please, listen to me.
Charlotte, come here, please.
Charlotte, open the door!
I want to speak to you.
It's very easy to explain.
You have hallucinations. You're crazy, Charlotte.
L'll get you a drink. That's what you want, a nice little drink.
Harold, look what happened.
I was disloyal to you.
I couldn't help it, though.
Seven years is a very long time.
Why did you go and die on me?
I didn't know anything about life, I was very young.
If you hadn't died, all this wouldn't have happened.
Darling, forgive me.
Forgive me.
You were the soul of integrity.
How did we produce such a little beast?
I promise, I promise...
I promise you that I'll know better next time.
Next time it's going to be somebody you'll be very proud of.
Harold.
Those notes you found were fragments of a novel that I'm writing.
Your name, and Lolita's, were put in by mere chance...
...just because they were handy.
That's the way novelists work.
They think of the names of their friends...
...and the people who enter into their daily lives...
...like the Farlows...
...and they think up funny situations.
I'm making a martini for you.
Charlotte!
L'll take it!
Yes?
Yes, this is he.
Yes.
What?
But my wife is upstairs in her bedroom.
Is this a gag? Is this one of the fellows at the country club?
Just hold on, please.
Charlotte!
There's a man on the line who says that you've been hit by a car!
Now, listen, please, my friend.
Just hold on one moment.
The ambulance is here.
Now, you take it easy, okay?
All right?
Mr. Humbert, she just ran right in front of me!
I swerved around, you see, to avoid hitting the dog, and...
...she just ran right in front of me.
My dad's in a state of shock, I gotta look after him...
...but I just wanted you to know it isn't my fault.
Are you the lady's husband?
Yes.
I'm afraid she's dead.
Humbert?
It's Jean and John.
Humbert, where are you?
It's all right. Come in, both of you.
- Jean, I'm perfectly decent. - Are you sure it's all right?
Look, there's a stool.
You poor man.
Just have to hang on.
She was a wonderful person.
She was always so gay, wasn't she, John?
Just remember, I mean, it's always darkest before the dawn.
That's very, very true.
It's just wonderful to have friends at a time like this.
I'm so, so sorry.
Now, see here, old man...
...you mustn't think of doing anything rash.
Why, of course not.
You have everything to live for, hasn't he?
Perhaps you'd better tell him about Charlotte's kidney.
Humbert, Charlotte didn't want anybody to know this, but...
...she hadn't long to live, anyhow.
She only had one kidney.
- Born that way. - Yes, that's right.
And the one kidney she had was distressed.
She had...
- Nephritis. - ...nephritis.
L'll get it.
Try to think of your poor little Lolita all alone in the world.
You must live for her sake.
- Excuse me. - That's all right. Come in, please.
I'm Frederick Beale Senior. May I talk to you for a moment?
Do, please.
My son was driving the car.
When that thing happened.
Yes.
My two youngest, Jack and Mary, are in the same grade as your Lolita.
He's had a terrible shock.
Yes, of course he has.
You know, this isn't easy to talk about, but...
...technically it was the pedestrian's fault and not the driver's.
Technically, you're absolutely right.
You see, it was raining and she ran across the road.
You don't have to explain to me because I have no quarrel with you.
I must say you're wonderfully sympathetic.
In fact, you've been so generous about the whole matter...
...I was about to suggest that maybe you'd allow me to pay...
...the funeral expenses.
That's awfully nice of you.
Thank you very much.
Well, that's the least I can do.
It's my pleasure.
Well, I won't keep you any longer.
We'll have to get together very soon and sort out the details.
Yes, let's do that... yes.
Do you work here?
Yeah, sort of.